You work out of a Hotel?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She told me I should be a condom model.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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