I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
