I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
