Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
