Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
