I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
