There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
