i think my tv is drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
