its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
