No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
