I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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