Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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