These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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