I showed him my bush... on skype.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
