Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
