he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
