She's JV to your varsity
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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