i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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