is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im holly from the hills drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
