I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
