why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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