That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My vagina is officially offended.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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