Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
