her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize