you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
