I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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