i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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