I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So squirting runs in the family.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
