I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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