Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
