Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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