I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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