you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I came so hard my ears popped.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
