Me too!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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