just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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