Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
