We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
