Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
...so i touched it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
