6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
