I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She told me I should be a condom model.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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