My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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