No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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