The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize