mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
