I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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