I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
