You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
