Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
