it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
