I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
