i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
