Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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