Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
