So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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