whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize