I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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