nut hugger
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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