why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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