I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
