He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
