i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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