im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
