I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
