I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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