He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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