i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
