Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want to be your penis for a week.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
