Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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