Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We talked him into tasing himself.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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