Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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