you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
