my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
