what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
