I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
