What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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