I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
