He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want nice things and good sex
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
