I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she smelled like a LAN party
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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