Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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