It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
