she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
