your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
