i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize