if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
